Friday, May 27, 2005


An Inspiration on a hot summer afternoon trying to stay awake and stay busy. I saw her right in front of me. Not on the screen, she was on a wall: grey stones and all, staring back at me without actually thinking about me. I saw her alright, in a unclean, green park, waving to the passing afternoon, who was lifting her skirt to reveal her dark underneath. She knew without really knowing this was the last undressing she would see. She didnt know if she should have been happy. She was waiting for her life to pass in front of her eyes. But there it was, all so small, OH so small. 20 years, watching the same people had left her no need of memories. She didnt do anything wild, she never chastised, never hurt, never loved, never smoked, never got drunk. She got knocked up the first time by a very nice guy with an average amount of passion, with an average amount of loving. She didnt even get pregnant, she never even kissed a woman and got clicked when doing so. She wrote things nobody would read, she sang in a voice nobody noticed, she had no friends she could boast about. She was average. ABNORMALLY so. Then it changed. On this winter afternoon, she saw the darkness in her, a small streak that was subsided and divided till math had killed and english had tamed it. She picked it up and kissed it, she placed it on her chest and let it sink in. It told her things she had never known, things she couldnt crave for because she was oblivious to its existence. She cried on that midday wondering where she had left her life.
In her failed love?
On the dick of her average lover?
In the hands of her affectionate parents?
She wouldnt know, it was too late to matter. She swung her legs rubbed her hands in wait. The wind brushed against her average body where an abonormal spirit was growing. She turned to look at the valley her innocent eyes had never seen and her spirit grew to raging heights. She leered, smiled and howled...

And fell.

Her innocence had died. Her spirit broke free. It was a mad affair I saw in her eyes today.

P.S.: I need to find this woman. Please please someone please tell me whos this lady with an album called vespertine. PLEASE!

Sunday, May 22, 2005



Heaving and thumping, a chaos of indefinite depth,
A pleasure of crossing limits.
On the last tides of diminishing words, after the last drops of unease,
It follows.
The darkness after nights of moonlit shadows.
You can feel the placidity build meticulously.
A wave of magic wand and the tears dry up in haste.
Nowhere to go.
The spectre builds in the sleep of the eerie.
A sea blue plastic bucket on the sea,
Flying high on wild horses of a howling symphony.
A blur of days and then a death still picture frame,
A tree house filled with mute dreams. Of primitive smells.
Nothing less.
A candy laced bitter pill of blood red wonder,
A giddy glee of wicked intent.
A half devoured human.
The ostracized crypt under the cobweb veil.

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Back again with my drawings. Think its a yin yang, lemme know wut u think Posted by Hello

Monday, May 09, 2005


A night seeps into my head-
An endless sky of dead stars.
Mirages bloom like moss clothed desires on a dew drenched green.
A swing pendulums to and fro,
Crashing into the glass pane perfection
Breaking them into a million cigarette tails,
Fumbling from red to orange and then a fistful of remorseless ash-
Feet marred by tobacco scars.
I walk into glossy gaiety on the path of blank pages each day,
Into the world of plastic smiles and sodden sway,
Into the vacuum of cast aways,
Memories escaping like paper bits on a windy day.

He woke me up by scratching his day-old stubble on my cheek. I pushed him away playfully and gave him my widest grin. He lay on the bed besides me. I lay on top of him and hugged him hard pressing myself on his ample belly. He asked me not to. I pressed harder. He breathing was heavy and I could listen to a rumbling in his stomach. I pressed so hard my nails dug into his back. I kept pressing till he was heaving and he struggled to get me off him. I was all of 8. He was 37. I am still not sure if it is a dream of if it did really happen.

I was looking back wondering if I still had memories. I find 3. One insignificant, one too embarrassing to be written here.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005


I wish I could let you hear Chris croon me out of sickness but since he can't. But yo just got lucky. Instead you can hear me rant! How cool is that?


It just hit me I missed babysitting my 10 year old cousin. No wait, let me correct it. Babysitting my 8 year old cousin who is now 10 years. It was never money (there was no money), it wasn't the odd gesture of appreciation. I hated it then and I guess I miss hating it now. I kind of very vaguely remember the last time. Considering his intellectual capacity would make a peanut look like Einstein, it was fun.
-Mummy, not her. She hits me.
Me: A smirk that says wait-till-they're-gone-your-in-for-something-real-special.
Cousin peanut (Knows what's coming his way) Tell her to go!
Bye bye'
s and thank you pass. They leave. Me and peanut.
I look at him.
Nothing. A pair of scared eyes trying to be brave.
A hit on the head. My way of showing him all the love I have for him.
-So what did you do today?
Can't believe it. But still goes on rambling about some girl who sits besides him, some guy who has a bag with his name printed on it, a fat teacher who pronounces teaching as teething.
-Shut the fuck up.
Realising I shouldn't have said that. I need something
-Just said you had an interesting day.
Silence. I drift, lost to him, lost to his rambling and this-that's. Cousin dearest (porn loving mo**********) comes back home.
-So how was school?
-Why didn't you come to school?
-Had a tournament.
-Lost as usual I bet?
I bow. I did. Embarrassing past I console myself. I played on till 15. Till I knew it was a waste.
-So how was your day?
A lot of this-that's. Something about a girl who wouldn't look and a girl who wouldn't stop looking. Both being sluts. Something, something and then some more something.
-Shut the fuck up.
I look around. That was cousin peanut. Cousin dearest looks at me and I look back. I fall off the couch laughing. I laugh till I am breathless, I take a lungful and start anew. I don't notice the hand pressed under me and my head hitting the cold marble floor. Before I knew, the giggles changed to one long howl.

I miss it now.

Hope you guys shut-ted the fuck up. (wink, wink)