Monday, July 31, 2007

It isn’t often that I win an award so I’m thankful to WUBA *does the V sign* and Saby/Jim/Anonymous for voting me into competition.

While still reading about cold blood murderers and after watching Psycho for 3 weeks in a row, there aren’t many people you trust, especially the ones that you seem to take a liking for. While she lit up a cigarette the feeling dawned in me that if I moved my head fast it will fall off – just twist and twirl off my neck, gracelessly plopping into the red coaster garnished by peanut shells. I grab my arm and rub my wrist and the soft skin above my elbow to feel an electric hollow, soft and ethereal. To feel a million balloons under my skin, fuzzing and ready to break. I scream as an involuntary response to seeing a friend eat a burning roach while the other one burned my arm with flakes of burning paper. They all spoke, louder and faster by the minute and I thought if I sat there any longer I might faint. A man passes by, fixing me with a stare and I see a million rings on his lips, ears, mouth and nose and I want him to come closer so I can smell the putrid sweat.

-What did you say?
- What?
- Are you drunk on that much?!
- (chuckle) Jee-ya

Well then, life goes on. For the first time I let the Bombay sun burn my back to toast without cringing. It is boredom and restlessness that makes alcoholics and addicts of us. Sometimes criminals. Sometimes petty thieves. Sometimes suicidal. I consider my motive standing in the middle of the road as a truck whooshes past me. I could fall now, who cares, or attend my meeting. And I do the latter. Sitting in between people who don’t like me much I consider if I should scream out watching the girl beside me scream at me. I watch her eyes bulge out and hear her teeth grind, she talks of blood, gore, violence and I sit and grin considering the appropriate reaction.

I do nothing till I wear out. I spend the whole afternoon amongst computers and people who slowly stop eating bottles and hollering. I wasn’t scared but I did consider breaking my head into the computer screen till they played Radiohead.